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Fun With Hamlet. by Bill Shakespeare. 
*ahem* 
See the man. 
What a funny man. 
His name is Hamlet. 
He is a prince. 
He is sad. 
"Why are you sad, Hamlet?" 
"I am sad because my father has died" says Hamlet. 
See Hamlet run. 
Run, Hamlet, run. 
On the way to the castle, he meets a ghost. 
"Where are you going?" asks the ghost. 
"I am going to the castle" says Hamlet. 
"Boo! Boo!" says the ghost. 
"Oh what is your name you silly ghost?" asks Hamlet, clapping his hands. 
"I am your father" says the ghost "I was a good king. Uncle Claudius is a bad king. He gave me poison. Would you like poison?" 
"Oh no" says Hamlet "I would not like poison." 
"Will you avenge me, Hamlet?" asks the ghost. 
"Oh, yes" says Hamlet "I will avenge you. What fun it will be to avenge you!" 
See Hamlet run. 
Run, Hamlet, run. 
Hamlet is going to his mother's room. 
"I have something to tell you, mother." says Hamlet. "Uncle Claudius is bad. He gave my father poison. Poison is not good. I do not like poison. Do you like poison?" 
"Oh no, indeed." said his mother "I do not like poison." 
"Oh there is Uncle Claudius" says Hamlet "he is hiding behind the curtain.  Why is he hiding behind the curtain? I shall stab him. What fun it will be to stab him through the curtain." 
See Hamlet draw his sword. 
See Hamlet stab. 
See Uncle Claudius' blood. 
See Uncle Claudius' blood gush. 
Gush, blood, gush. 
See Uncle Claudius fall. 
How funny he looks stabbed. 
Ha ha ha. 
But it is not Uncle Claudius. 
It is Polonius. 
Polonius is Ophelia's father. 
What fun Hamlet is having. 
"You are naughty, Hamlet." says Hamlet's mother "you have stabbed Polonius." 
But Hamlet's mother is not cross. 
She does not tell Hamlet to go play in the traffic. 
Nor does she take his sword away from him. 
For she loves Hamlet. 
He is a good boy. 
And Hamlet loves his mother. 
She is a good mother. 
Hamlet loves his mother very, very much. 
Perhaps, Hamlet loves his mother a little...too much. 
See Hamlet run. 
Run, Hamlet, run. 
"Where are you going?" asks a man. 
"I am going to find Uncle Claudius" says Hamlet "what is your name?" 
"My name is Macbeth" says the man. "I am going to find Uncle Claudius." 
"Oh, I'm sorry" says Hamlet "But I am afraid you are in the wrong play. Your play doesn't open in this theatre 'till next week." 
"Oh, I'm so embarrassed!" says Macbeth, running quickly away. 
"It will happen" says Hamlet. 
On the way to the castle Hamlet passes a brook. 
In the brook he sees Ophelia. 
Ophelia is drowning. 
Hamlet does not know why Ophelia is drowning. 
He thinks perhaps it is because she is in the brook. 
"Where are you going?" asks Ophelia. 
"I am going to find Uncle Claudius. Why are you drowning, Ophelia?" 
"Glub glub" says Ophelia. 
"Oh" says Hamlet as he starts on down the road. 
See Hamlet run. 
Run, Hamlet, run. 
On the way he meets a man. 
"Where are you going?" asks the man. 
"I am going to find Uncle Claudius" says Hamlet. 
"I am Laertes. Let us draw swords. Let us dual." 
"I don't think I am going to find Uncle Claudius" says Hamlet. 
See Hamlet and Laertes dual. 
See Laertes stab Hamlet. 
See Hamlet stab Laertes. 
See Hamlet's mother drink poison. 
See Hamlet stab King Claudius. 
See everyone wounded! 
See everyone dying! 
See everyone dead! 
Oh what fun we are having!